A letter to a high school parent

Below is my response to a parent who left our church (or is visiting other churches) in part because we do not offer a high school program on Sunday mornings. The email from the parent was gracious, while I could tell it was something they needed to "get off" their chest. I hope the dialog will continue. Here is most of my email, kept generic here to protect their identity.

Thank you for your email. Sorry for the slow response, as I wanted to give thought and prayer before replying.

I appreciate you taking the initiative to contact me directly. I know from experience it is an easy route to vent to those in our sphere of conversation, but you have chosen to come directly to me. That is commendable, and I appeal to you as a pastor to continue to come to your church leaders (whether that is WCC or another church home) and submit to their leading (Hebrews 13:17). Us leaders are accountable to God, as are parents.

I will note up-front that written communication like this is somewhat "flat" — that is, we cannot see into the other’s eyes, hear the tone and inflection of their voice, and gather the subtleties of non-verbal communication. I really do want to hear what you have to say, to understand you and your husband. Perhaps the next step would be to talk on the phone. I welcome a face to face meeting as well. As a pastor, my goal is not just to persuade but to understand .

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There are many ways of "doing" church, but the real value is in being the church . We should begin with an assumption of imperfection (rather than perfection), start with forbearing with one another, and when disagreements happen, we must choose to forgive. If we do not, then we become a community of convenience , rather than a community of grace . Too many people leave one church and move on to another because the one did not meet their needs, or really, their expectations . I am not implying that is the case with you, but can we all check our assumptions and motives?

Also, the goal is the Gospel, to get it in us so deeply that we can take it with us wherever we are. We are so bad that Jesus had to die for us, yet so deeply loved that He was glad to die for us. Our only basis of our relationship with God is the sacrifice of Jesus His Son. God treated His Son like He was us, so that He could treat us like we are like His Son (2 Cor. 5:21). On that we should all agree. And from that one core truth we shall never stray. It is the basis of our relationships with one another as well.

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While our new direction may not be to your liking, I want to assure you that it was not done on a whim. Much consideration — before I came 4+ months ago — and prayer went into the new direction and deciding to not have the HS students separated on Sunday mornings. We are considering a transition of our HS group back to Sundays, meeting in the evenings. As you may know, our junior high program, which I lead directly, still meets on Sunday mornings. The flip side is there are some parents asking for us to meet on an evening during the week too. It is not possible to please everyone. In fact, that’s not our aim either (Col. 1:27-29; 2 Cor. 5:9; Gal. 1:10).

The goal of the youth programs is to partner with parents . To that end, I will say that one hour a week (either Weds night or Sunday morning) is insufficient in training the next generation to know, love and enjoy God above all else. We as church leaders cannot do it all. Especially not in an hour or two each week. We can share the content of the Gospel — and now do that faithfully every week — but we cannot impart the context of the Gospel. Parents must be the ones who disciple their children, and I say that as a parent myself. The responsibility is huge, the opportunities endless. I pray every day to be able to resource parents who come in brokenness and ask for tools to show their kids God’s love and lead them to faith in Christ.

As for weekend worship, one way for high schoolers to serve and grow in the context of church life with WCC is to join in as volunteers at our weekend gatherings. We treat them as young adults, giving opportunities to participate — on the worship team, in the audio/video technical areas, in serving communion, being teachers and aids in children’s ministry (now called ‘camp counselors’ with the new Base Camp Jesus theme). These are meant to be pathways for the next generation to contribute to the overall direction and influence of the local church. Without those types of pathways I would not be here today, for as an 18-19 yr old my church at the time gave me those types of invaluable experiences.

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As for service projects, I do agree with you that a local emphasis is needed in addition to serving the world (as in Mexico). We are laboring to that end, to see that happen. I think of these as "micro-missions," and if you want to contribute with your time to make these a reality, we welcome those for sure!

Willamette Christian Church is undergoing a transformation by God’s Spirit, and it is my joy to be part of it. Much has changed in the last few years, and we think the shifts have been on a good trajectory. The youth are a key priority, and we are laboring with all God’s energy that works within us (Col. 1:29), to love God, love people and serve the world.

Thank you for bearing with us, and I welcome this conversation to continue.

Because of Jesus,

Pastor Jeff