“Proverbs 22:6 has been widely adopted as both psychological premise and theological promise, despite the widespread recognition that hermeneutically, the Proverbs are not promises from God, but general observations and maxims.”

(The Book of Proverbs brings us observations on the general realities of life (like percentages), though they are not meant to be absolute promises. We read too much into them and overstate God’s intention with that genre of Scripture when we treat them that way.)

The core issue is not “success” (’look at me, my kids turned out great,; which can produce guilt or pride); it is faithfulness. Our success at parenting takes root in the form of our faithfulness to God and living out His love. The author’s conclusion:

“It is time to acknowledge there is only so much influence parents can have.” Scripture has taught us this all along. We are not sovereign over our children—only God is. Children are not tomatoes to stake out or mules to train, nor are they numbers to plug into an equation. They are full human beings wondrously and fearfully made. Parenting, like all tasks under the sun, is intended as an endeavor of love, risk, perseverance, and, above all, faith. It is faith rather than formula, grace rather than guarantees, steadfastness rather than success that bridges the gap between our own parenting efforts, and what, by God’s grace, our children grow up to become.”

• Read the whole article, “The Myth of the Perfect Parent“

Also, on teaching the next generation, a recent post at Culture Making notes how testing for IQ is actually the lazy way to measure student development. A summary:

Perseverance and discipline likely matter more than intelligence and innate talent when it comes to being successful in one’s endeavors. And—according to the study cited at the end of the article—praising children for their hard work rather than their innate skill yields significant improvements in test results; kids praised for their talents actually start doing worse when they encounter significant challenges.

• Read the whole article, “Valuing What’s Easiest to Measure“

By my own experience, a startling number — to me, it seems — of those in my TAG (Talented and Gifted) classes from elementary and middle school chose not to complete college, while others have earned post-secondary degrees and are quite successful (by various definitions). The issue was clearly not intelligence; it was diligence, perseverance, self-control and certainly a passion for learning and developing a discipline that translates to helping others. As probably one who just barely made it in over the IQ threshold (to get into TAG), I think that my “success” in life may have less to do with innate ability and more with developing an appetite for learning and perseverance within God’s good grace.

I imagine both articles have controversial pieces to them. Let’s be civil and gracious in our discussions, here and elsewhere.

A number of the kids are experiencing the fallout of a broken home: divorced, estranged or separated parents. John, one of our leaders shared how 40 years ago his parents divorced, and how at age 8 he somehow felt responsible. He then gave seven (awesome) principles for how to see yourself and others if your parents are going through something as devastating as divorce. I plan to get his notes and share on our student website, for the sake of parents.

During our discussion in break-out time (small groups), I needed to step in to lead a couple of the groups. We formed one larger group in a circle. Before I asked them questions the young ladies could ask me any question. One of their first was: what about your wife made you want to marry her?

On the spot I listed two primary reasons: she loves Christ, and she was too busy serving Him to try to flirt with me. It’s true, modesty and appropriate interaction with the opposite sex is much more attractive than being all “out there,” trying to flaunt one’s body. Seriously, ladies, guard your purity, and your brother’s purity by first pursuing beauty from the inside-out.

We chatted about other questions too, and I asked them some: since school starts this week (or next), what about middle school excites you the most? What leads you to be anxious or worry? I was surprised that not many of their answers focused on “fitting in,” or having friends. Actually, come to think of it, the enormity of peer pressure onsets a couple years later, and especially in the shift to night grade/high school.

Back to riffing about my wife … there are more than two reasons to love her.

A million reasons she’s attractive

Why is Kari so attractive to me? There are a million reasons I could list, from her mad parenting skills, to her depth of character. (On her last birthday I wrote her a card with the same number of reasons as years.) She is a wiz in the kitchen, a learner in all things, a perseverer in the direst of circumstances, an encourager when all looks hopeless, a writer of good words, a lover of simple pleasures (tea! cookie dough!). Kari is the best wife I could dream up. As the mother of our two kids she runs the house and yet finds passion and energy to devote herself to people as God leads.

My wife loves God. She is captivated with Jesus the Christ. In one hyphenated word, she is “God-centered” — more than anyone else I know. That’s why she waited for marriage, saving herself physically for me. As a single gal her keychain said “I {heart} my husband,” which of course is her Maker (Isaiah 54:5). She wisely knows I cannot fulfill her the way her true Husband can. I’m here to make her holy even more than happy (although we both know those two go hand-in-hand). As we become whole together, as one, we are happier than ever.

She is also people-directed. Kari’s passion for life and compassion for people shows itself in countless ways. Her selfless streaks extend far past our front doors. For one, her writing impacts so many. While we still have a private home life, we have a standard that given both of our buy-in, no experience is off-limits to share, if it will benefit others and make Christ look glorious. That’s because our most humiliating moments are often our greatest lessons. And the way to glory is the way of humility. Humility is not abstract; it must be learned in real-time, with real times of humiliation. In discipleship we are beckoned to share truth and faith, plus our falsehoods and un-faith, our obedience and disobedience. We learn experientially (the best kind of learning) with one another. Kari does that well, for she’s not trying to impress you or me. Christ has already impressed God for us.

Through Kari’s words others gain courage to live boldly, decide swiftly, and persevere radically. When I need a kick in the pants, I read her thoughts. Other authors teach me theology, but she shows me theology. Words about God put into daily practice.

Back in college ministry, as we were transitioning from life in Corvallis, she compiled the Bible study notes she had taught to dozens and dozens of ladies into a book (with lessons like “The Bride of Christ in Combat Boots”). I saved two copies, one for our kids to read someday, and a second copy for my own soul. Right now that copy sits on a shelf in my office, and I turn to it periodically. As a serial reader, coming back to one book is unique. Kari’s words are compelling and attractive, even in their raw form. While I may pour over a paragraph and still not get it right, Kari unleashes verbs, nouns and all the rest without so much as correcting her typos. What you read on her blog is the exact strokes of the keyboard (or “hte keboard” as she may type it).

At the most basic of level Kari is my pastor, shepherding my soul. She knows me deeper than anyone else—is not impressed—yet draws even nearer. (Can you heartily agree with me: I married up!)

While Kari is a rock, she is also real. That is perhaps her most elusive trait. How do you remain wise and discerning, yet open enough to share your life, in little and large bits? I learn that from her every day, in a million little ways. Every one is another reason to love and adore her.

The best part of this adventure has been how Kari makes this path easier and more enjoyable than I ever dreamed. (Following my father’s advice, I “married up”!) We realized in God’s good pleasure we would be better servants of the King, together as one, than we were apart. So we got married. Along the way, I’ve learned more about following Christ through my wife than through anyone else. Part of leading her is keeping up with her godly trajectory.

Thank You, Father God, for this gift of grace! Back to enjoying life with my bride, who shows me how to be holy while making me oh so happy.

"What’s that?"

I love it. Because I love him. Curious boy!

(See pics here )

Read as Kari reflections on the sacredness of playing .

Here are the top five lessons I (think I) have learned over this past 50 month journey and beyond. All are interconnected:

1. People are more important that what they do. Personalizing it: I am not what I do . That is, my identity is rooted in Christ, not my performance. I work from significance in Christ, not for it, as the Gospel would have it. (Repeat that last sentence with me! This message never grows old, and must be the cornerstone of a daily life. We must preach that application of the Christ’s glorious grace to ourselves every day.) In this season, I had to learn to do a few things well. To be fine with not being a perfectionist (okay, I am a recovering one). To release myself from forming a tiny view of life, all centered on me and what I am doing. I was a chronic do-er five years ago, and will never be that again, by the grace of God. Reality is, I work harder now, more efficiently, and am more content to simply BE, motivated by the Gospel.
2. Life is meant to have rhythm. Walking in step with the Spirit is a relationship worth fighting like heaven to keep vital. He is the One working in me to fulfill God’s ultimate purposes. Some people like to refer to life as being in "balance," and I probably should like that word as an engineer-type. It sounds so mathematical. Yet, it fails to see life in proper perspective, for we are not weighing things against one another (the definition of balance), but seeing them come together in harmony. Some like to pit propositional statements of faith against the story of faith. Jesus against Paul. The Bible against the Spirit. Truth versus experience. That’s utter foolishness. They are not against one another, but serve one another in love. Inexplicably connected. For example, in the Gospel rhythms, my job does not compete with my family.They are interwoven in a beautiful work of art by the Father, Son and Spirit.
3. GOD is the Gospel ( tag | search ). If there is one message I hope to bring to the local church, it is this one (along with the view that the Gospel is for all of life, even for Christians). I read the book by that title in 2006 while on hiatus from seminary (Kari was pregnant, I focused on working to provide for us). Lightning struck my soul. It is essentially 180 pages of meditation on two primary verses: 2 Corinthians 4:4,6 . Wow. All things exist and move towards the public display of God’s infinite worth (His glory). Since God Himself is the great good of the Gospel, entering into relationship like Him is like diving into a pool, not just off a diving board. As God is meant to permeate all of life, the Gospel is meant for all of life (like a living room, as opposed to simply the doorway to new life).
4. All of life is preparation. God will, as a loving Father, use every means possible shape us into the image of His Son ( Romans 8:28-30 , Hebrews 12 ). This process of sanctification (purifying) is deep and lasting, and cannot happen without pain, tragedy, relationships (including conflict and resolution) triumphs, and dependence. As a single man I began to see the need for Lamentations 3:25-33 and Habakkuk 3:17-19 become reality in my own life, asking God to shape me into the kind of man who praises Him no matter the circumstance. Doing that deep work requires preparation, which requires suffering. From a broken vertebrae that remains today, to relational brokenness, to physical pain in my feet, to disappoints of various sorts, there is no end to the design of God’s good for us through these experiences.
5. My life is meant to be wrapped about God’s story, not Him around mine. This couples with the others, and specifically #4, as God’s story is simply bigger than teeny, tiny me. That is because the Gospel is not merely good advice. It is the Good News — check that — the best news possible, that Jesus Christ, the Righteous One, died for our sins and rose again, eternally triumphant over all His enemies, so that there is now no condemnation for those who believe in Him, but only everlasting joy in God. Thus, God and His Word are the ultimate reality. I don’t apply the Bible to my life, I rather press my life into His Word, applying my life to Him. This is more than semantics, for each of us is prone to by default live for the glory of ourselves, to seek to further our own kingdom. I am a servant of King Jesus. I am part of His Kingdom. He holds the keys to the future, and I gladly submit to His leading, whatever that entails. As all good story feature conflict and resolution, the Grand Story of the Bible being played out in the universe by the Triune God is the best possible mixture of both.
6. (Just like yesterday there are six. Forgive me.) Faithfulness is our part, fruitfulness is God’s. Actually, our faithfulness is enabled by His ( Phil. 2:12-13; 1 John 5:3 ). Kari and I remind one another weekly that our home and family is the first ministry. Being faithful starts here. For whatever "success" I find in vocation, in being a pastor, in whatever, it is worthless if I fail as a faithful husband and loving father. That is the definition of success.

From these lessons I formed the chief objective of my life: To help everyone breathing know the one and only Triune God, in Christ, better than they know anyone or anything else, and to love and enjoy Him together more than anyone or anything else in all the world.

Ever a life-long learner (through all eternity), swimming in the depths of the Gospel and seeing how necessary these truths are, and looking for more to discover.

• Tomorrow I’ll share 5 lessons learned over these last 50 months . For now, here are five signposts along the journey to being a pastor (stretching back before these last 4+ years).

In 1998 I first sensed Christ’s call to enter the ministry. My heart and mind was electrified as a sophomore at OSU, an engineering student, and oh so fed up with how far behind I was spiritually. In that day, specifically Super Bowl weekend in late January, He ignited in me a spark that grew larger and larger, coupled with an insatiable desire for God’s Word. Those college years and serving in the local church and on the OSU campus were invaluable experiences. Many lessons learned, lots of failure. More grace. The relational connections made still remain firmly intact. The Gospel was our chief unifying reality. I have been blessed to see fellow students, and then my own students from Real Life and the School of Ministry forge ahead in their part of God’s grand story.

In 2003 I was graciously enabled to marry the woman of my dreams. Kari, I l. No matter what "success" I achieve as a pastor, my first duty is to be a faithful husband and loving father. Before God, let all these other things serve to reinforce that trajectory, not divert from it. Without you, Dutch, and now Heidi, this journey would not be worth taking.

Fifty months ago (2004) Kari and I took the plunge and moved to another state for the sake of my becoming a pastor in the official sense for the first time. Until then I had been "pastoring" in many ways, and while I knew the title would not add an inch to my stature, it was to be a significant jump in responsibility before God and men. And boy was it. Nothing like we imagined, and I never did became a "pastor" in the official sense. We felt "shelved." But God broke me, and rebuilt me again to be the kind of man who loves Him more than a title and is willing to suffer for the Gospel. People became real to me. The Gospel went deeper. Christ became huge, more than adequate and satisfying. We look back fondly on that season now with the vantage point of having come through it. Warren Wiersbe in On Being a Servant of God reminds us to not ask God to get us out of our trials, but to ask Him, "What do You want me to get out of this trial?" God had a whole different plan for us, a crucible of what seemed like an endless string of disappointments. Our character needed it. I thank Him for it — without reservation — and would not for a million dollars trade any of those experiences. Please don’t sign me up for it again, our good Father, but I would not go back and chart a different course.

In 2005 we came back to Oregon, continuing in a career of construction management  in construction for my good friend Ben was the sweet spot of God’s will for us at the time. As were were a growing company, and I needed to gain credibility with the crew, I took to being the lowest grunt of the lot, moving aluminum shoring and pipes, and finally getting some good callouses from hands fully engaged in some good manual labor. Installing sewer lines 8 feet below the ground surface and mortoring up manholes was a crucible for learning. I remember the guys often asking me during lunch, "They didn’t teach you that in college, eh, Mr. Civil Engineer!?" I thank them for it. During the process I learned that nothing is secular, the construction workers need the Gospel just like I do, and that all circumstances are "sacred" in that they are meant to be used for worshipping God. Without those "silent years" we would not be here (positionally, and certainly not ready in our character). I learned to practice God’s joy in all of life, especially the mundane things. That is why I plead with people to find their identity in Christ alone and not in what they do. Funny to thing back how my move into the office became official when on the eve of Thanksgiving I ran over my left foot with the Jeep Wrangler. (Yeah, it really hurt, and I walk with a slight limp today.)

Also in 2005 we also became students again. A couple years earlier we had wanted to go to seminary (in Chicago, we thought), but Christ had some pre-graduate school preparation for us (see above). Now, we were able to do this together , both as students, and those Friday-only classes and one night course during that first year at Multnomah was a unique experience. Not sure how we managed the 90 minute commute both ways (fuel was much cheaper), but that time did serve to be like mini "dates" for Kari and I. We entered seminary as a young married couple, and when Kari graduates this year she will have given birth to two children while a student. (She’s incredible, by the way…)

So much more could be said. Dutch was born around Christmas 2006, and our lives have been changed for the better because of him. Last year we lived with Kari’s parents, on purpose, and it was a tremendous experience for Dutch. For us, it showed us how much we love family, need them, and love to live on our own again Without it, we would have had to quit seminary. The last year of interning with Foothills Community Church has been mightily used of God. He reprogrammed me in many ways, especially relationally, bringing out lessons and things from our experiences through Pastor Dale’s care and mentoring. Again, without them, we would not be who and where we are today.

Some may be thinking — are they done with seminary? Not exactly. Kari will finish her last class in December and then graduate in May with a MA in Pastoral Studies with a concentration in Women’s Ministry. I will close out this semester, take a bit off, and then (probably, open to revision, as the above story proves!) take one class at a time when possible. Since pastoring (again, a verb) and serving the local church was and is the "end goal," seminary has served that purpose in part, and I hope to see it continue towards an MDiv (at least 2/3 complete now). We wouldn’t be here without Multnomah , in more ways than one. We love our professors, the staff, fellow students, and alums!

(Okay, this is six…) Today Christ has more of me than He did back then. Some like to talk about returning to their first love (see Rev. 2 ). For me, returning to that teeny, tiny love would be going backwards, for my vision of Christ and seeing as the ultimate cause, reason, object and satisfaction of my life is far greater today than it was then. Truly, all of life is preparation .

Helping others know, love and enjoy God above all else,

JP

Next Monday Kari and being our new journey with our new church family — about which I’m eager to speak and write about.

This week’s "staycation" has provided a little bit of reflection time. (And lots of needing wrestling time with Dutch.) In these days I’ve written down much to come back to later — for seasons of less clarity — a portion of which I plan to post on the ol’ blog this weekend. A brief five-point memoir, and a list of five lessons learned over this past 50 month journey.

Today was a unique time, a luncheon to get to know the church staff more. A great time, and really good food, mixed in with lots of laughs. What a great team of Gospel-centered, others-directed people we are joining.

My favorite moment what when we all were asked to answer briefly, "What were you like as a child?" Right then Dutch (the only kid in the room) walked out in the middle of everyone and threw his toy. Seeing it coming I pointed at him, saying "Just like that!" and tossed a toy over his shoulder too. I’d like to say he gets his dramatic flair from his mom, but we know better.

Yesterday he put four books in my book bag, thinking I needed to meditate on the Gospel.

He selected one paperback each from four great authors: Andrew Murray, H.A. Ironside, D.L. Moody, and J.I. Packer.

Thanks son, your exhortation is heeded!

(The yellow duct tape hold together my DIY laptop case.)

A person with more faith would have looked at our similar meeting two weeks ago and see that as the watershed moment. It really was, and it came as kind of a surprise. That was the day I was offered the role/position of associate pastor with this particular local church. The fact that I was rejoicing then, but then fell into some patches of discouragement until it all become official, shows my own fickle nature and weakness. We fell into a little bit of despondency in the two weeks between the ministry job being offered and signing on the dotted line.

Why?

Well, for one: we are weak, as I already mentioned. More specifically, I know that an experience in recent years with a church has painfully shaped our perspective (about which you can read Kari’s retelling here , with names and places changed). To be fair, none of the church leaders acted out of malice, and while the church leaders are forgive, it is not forgotten as lessons on what not-to-do to developing leaders. It must also be said that without that season of preparation we would not be here today (nor ready for it in our character). My view of God’s absolute sovereignty and the necessity of pain in life as the great way for God to shape us have come from seasons like that in the crucible. More will come, I’m sure.

Earlier this week I was talking to my good friend Adam and mentioned feeling uneasy, like our new church leaders were somehow going to back out of the verbal agreement (a totally unfounded thought!). He stopped me in mid-sentence on the phone: "That _______ experience has scarred you, hasn’t it?" He was and is totally right. I was not voicing this pessimistic attitude publicly, but it was in my heart, and it came out in this private conversation between two close friends. Kari and I have been continually pouring out our hearts to our Great God to change us from viewing life through the lens of pain only (but a right view of suffering is key, see Romans 5 & 8). I needed his perspective.

This process has shown me that (1) my heart and mind are still in some way scarred from past painful experiences, (2) I underestimate the kindness and grace of God, and (3) He will do anything necessary to keep me from worshipping His gifts over Him (including the agonizing process of realizing I am doing just that).

Oh, how thankful I am for our new church leaders . (And our current ones, by the way, as we transition out this month.) Our reception to our new church home, among the leaders, looks to be the exact opposite of our fears. The exact opposite, almost point by point, than what took place in 2004-05. [Example: 50 months ago we arrived at our new church home in another state and ran into the senior pastor in the parking lot. He didn't recognize me nor remember our names -- "We're Jeff and Kari from Oregon," I reminded -- "Oh yeah. You're here?" -- and apparently hadn't given a thought about our coming, even though he was the one who offered me the job and had been in seemingly constant contact. Our "apartment" on the church property was still being lived in, full of trash, and no one knew we were coming, even after talking twice that previous week over the phone. Looking back we laugh at how ridiculous it was; my father-in-law shakes his head and wonders why he let us unpack the moving van; in the moment we were like deer in headlights.]

What a different picture it was yesterday , as we walked in for our meeting, all the staff popped out of their offices and welcomed us to the family — they obviously knew we were coming, more than we did! During the meeting our new church leaders talked about how they wanted to throw a couple parties to welcome us. The contrast is startling. (I am purposefully being vague and not naming the church community here — but will in the coming weeks.)

Over these two weeks we could have counseled our hearts more, specifically on the key topic Kari is delving into: Expectancy vs. Expectations and especially the Disappointment & Fulfillment Cycles . As God our Father is such a good Father and so intentionally faithful, nothing is wasted. No painful experience, and certainly not these fleeting lowly fears nor these oh so encouraging highs, will fail to serve their intended purposes in the development of our character ( Romans 5:1-5 ).

What a joy to be cared for so well. That’s why I couldn’t sleep last night. Pray for us, as there is a unique art to shaping one’s soul around the Gospel (and not it around one’s self), worshipping God and not the thing He has given .

" ‘Tis not that I did choose Thee,
For Lord, that could not be;
This heart would still refuse Three,
Hadst Thou not chosen me …

My heart owns none before Thee,
For Thy rich grace I thirst;
This knowing, if I love Thee,
Thou must have loved me first."
– Josiah Conder, 1836

Found in the front matter of the Jesus Storybook Bible we bought Dutch. Wow, that’s the type of Christ-exalting humility and truth I hope our young son to grasp. We hope to swim with him in the deep end of God’s perfections and grace (even from this young age).

"We love becaus e he first loved us ." [ 1 John 4:19 ]

Five years ago today Kari Zyp and I exchanged vows, and then I got to kiss the love of my life for the very first time. What an amazing time it has been, my Sauce. We’ve had our adventures: moving 7 times, living in two states, both following the call to seminary as students, raising Dutch, continuing to serve our Lord Jesus Christ, and being able to know, love and enjoy Him oh so much more because of one another.

Sauce, I love you! I told you back then that I want to plunge the depths of who you are, and that passion has not and will not fade. You are cherished and loved!

Because 5 is not enough to convey how much my Sauce is worth (well, nor is 55!) …

1. She loves Jesus
2. She loves me
3. She was created to be a wonderful Mommy and is more than our boy Dutch (and baby #2 on the way) could ask for
4. She thinks
5. When someone asks if I can share my wisdom with them, I respond, "No, I’m not sharing my wife."
6. She is my best wisdom
7. She searches and swims in the deep things of God
8. She realizes that our pursuit of joy and God’s passion for His glory are not at odds — He is our Joy!
9. Her identity is not wrapped up in what she does
10. She is "in Christ" and walking in the Spirit in all of life
11. She loathes the separation of the Sacred and the Secular
12. She’s not afraid to say "No" to many good things
13. Her words drip with wisdom and grace
14. She waited for me, and gave me a second chance, even when I broke her heart 6.5 years ago
15. She does something once, right, and then moves on
16. She enjoys reading as the greatest form of entertainment
17. She doesn’t waste words
18. She is a woman of exceptional character
19. She is so consistent and faithful that I often say I feel rebuked yet encouraged trying to catch up
20. She has many young women "caught up in her wake"
21. She loves to solve issues quickly with grace-filled resolutions
22. She is God-centered in all her ways
23. She is a far better djembe player than she will admit
24. She is graceful and dancing, and patient with her clumsy husband
25. She perseveres always
26. She loves when I lead spiritually (yet is so strong in Christ that it seems like she doesn’t require my initiative)
27. She’s willing to think and feel with God in the fullness of her being, all the appropriate emotions (as found in the Psalms)
28. She’s quick to forgive
29. She’s coached me through a few somewhat humiliating yet totally humorous public situations
30. She likes it when I call her good nicknames and returns the favor (my Sauce!)
31. She is a devoted friend
32. She recycles
33. She’s is an ever-grateful daughter to her parents
34. She’s willing to do crazy thinks like live with them for over a year (this past year)
35. She puts up with me, and the quirks I’ve managed to pass down to the Dutcher
36. A better wife none could ever find
37. She makes each day of marriage better than the previous
38. She still has the joy and perspective of a newly marred bride, mingled with the wisdom of a mature woman beyond her years
39. People of all ages listen to her (and ought to)
40. She is a giver not a taker
41. She makes me want to eat vegetables
42. She is the greatest chef I’ve ever met (sorry Mom, you set the bar high!)
43. She can turn nothing into something absolutely delicious
44. She holds her finger below her nose in just a certain way while deep in thought
45. She loves to take walks together
46. She makes me happy
47. More than that, she makes me holy
48. She journeyed with me and lived in the windowless cave
49. She never stops working and serving
50. All of her hobbies are completely constructive and others-directed
51. She is not a consumer
52. She somehow manages every penny we have and stretches them every month
53. She’s always up to mischief
54. She lets me interrupt her
55. Being with her is like being all by myself, only better

(Had to cut off quite a few just to keep the list short.)

Happy anniversary my Saucy Sauce!

Instead, the title refers to a good reminder posted a while back at Goingtoseminary.com: "Failing Seminary for the Glory of God ."

I left a comment about the article, and recently Timothy Paul Jones, Assistant Professor of Leadership and Church Ministry at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, commented:

I may be wrong, but I do believe that some seminary professors are beginning to glimpse the truth in what you’re saying here—especially with reference to refusing to neglect your family. As a seminary prof, my students probably hear this statement in every class I teach: “What you do for God beyond your home will typically never be greater than what you’re practicing with God within your home. If this class keeps you from being the spiritual leader in your home that you need to be, drop the class and finish later. This seminary has been here 150 years and will probably be here another century or two—but your family, at the stage of life they’re at right now, will not be here forever. Do what they need you to do before you do what I ask you to do.”

Good words.

—

Here’s the list of seven given in the full article :

1. Transformation, not information
2. Give the wrong answer
3. Read the important stuff (the Bible)
4. Stop listening
5. Put your family first
6. Ignore your GPA
7. Love the Church

And a concluding word from the author, "Just a Guy":

Note: I love seminary and I love my seminary. However, I am willing to do poorly in my classes in order that I might excel in the things listed above. These two things are not mutually exclusive, but I’d argue that focusing on the above will very likely result in lower grades (maybe not failing, but would you be willing to fail in order to do the above?)

What do you think?

You are the best mother ever and the joy of our home. Dutch can take a nap in peace right now because of your untiring labor of love. God’s grace is evident in every facet of your character and personality. Thank you for pouring out your life for us.

Happy Mother’s Day!

"But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us." [1 Thess. 2:7-8]

We did do our hike, although it is now confirmed that Dutch does NOT like hiking. That is, he loves hiking, as long as he’s the one hiking. He doesn’t like being stuffed into a backpack. So, our hike was significantly truncated because about 1/2 through we had to let him hike on his own. That meant going as fast as his little 16-month-old legs could carry him. It went something like this: step step step (stop to pick up a stick and wave it around) step step step (stop to pick up a bug, mom grabs it before it goes in the mouth) step step step-TRIP, BOOM, WAHHHHHHH!!!!! (tears, hugs, scraped hands…sniffs, whining to be put down) step step step (veers over toward cliff, daddy scoops him up and plops him in middle of trail). Anyway, you get the picture. But it was fun nonetheless. We just need to plan to hike one mile in three hours.

Here’s a little video of the Dutcher hiking away…

And hiking with Mommy…

Dutch the hiding boy

We woke up to Winter

Came home and it was beautiful Spring again

Dutch the preacherman; he likes the ESV

Mommy + Dutch playing …

Mother and son reading … (kept still for 45 minutes!)

Kari took this picture of Dutch with her phone…

Kari started her one-year no-new-clothes fast today (read about her LiveDifferent challenge #1).

Truly, I married up (!), and miss Kari already. As much fun as Dutch is and as much as I love Him, I could not live without my Karina.

I think it was J.C. Ryle who wrote: “The great thing I always desired to find was a woman who was a Christian, who was a real lady, and who was not a fool. Whether I was successful or not, others must judge the better than I can, but I call God to witness these were the three points I always kept steadily in view.”

Before dropping her off at PDX I asked her to send me lots o’ pics, so I could at least "see" how they were. A whole bunch were waiting in my inbox tonight when I arrived home. Uncle Kris taught Dutch how to throw rocks, our precious boy giving cousin Jennika a kiss on the cheek, then giving her a little frightening, and then one of his beautiful blue eyes.

May God be the glory for all His mercy in our lives and the abundant ways He lavishes us with His love, in practical evidences of His grace.

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Nothing deep here … I just wanted to reflect on the joy of mommyhood.  Yesterday Dutch got a new toy–a green John Deere truck from my dear friend Crystal.  Dutch flipped!  He loved it. Usually snack time is the most exciting part of the day and when I pull out the special Dutch muffin and start breaking off pieces and putting them on his high chair tray, he just about goes crazy.  He loves muffins. But yesterday, he totally ignored the muffin as soon as he saw the tractor!  Then later, the boy who hardly ever plays on his own, took his tractor over to the stairs and played for 30 minutes, all by himself, making the engine sounds and loading and unloading special imaginary bucket-fulls of dirt on the stairs.

Dutch’s other favorite thing right now is to sneak into our bedroom and go through Jeff’s nighstand drawer.  He usually goes for the “No More Fungus” bottle (yeah, gross) and hides things in our bed.  So last night, about 2am, I woke up and couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t comfortable, the realized something hard was under my back.  I reached back and there was a deck of playing cards … from our special little boy.  Too tired to get up, I tossed them down to my feet and fell asleep smiling.  What a little boy.

Today at church, I was the proudest mommy ever because Dutch ran to Pastor Dale and jumped into his arms.  Then I said, “Dutch can you give Pastor Dale a kiss?”  And he leaned up and planted a huge kiss right on our pastor’s cheek.  Yeah, it was pretty sweet.  Of course he might be a terror at home for me, but at least he’s sweet at church. 

That’s all. Just savoring mommyhood. 

“Transitioning One’s Soul to Finish the Day Well”

Our professors, godly men and women, continually challenge and nurture us. Our classes ranges from spiritual formation (development of character, prayer, and spiritual warfare) to biblical survey, from preaching to biblical languages , from pastoral counseling to biblical exegesis. My MDiv program is a 3-yr program for a full-time student (15+ graduate credits per semester), although I’m already at three years and will be half-way done in May. Kari’s Masters of Arts in Pastoral Studies – Women’s Ministry degree is a 2-yr full-time degree. She’s nearly complete with her course work, and then will have another year of part-time internship. As far as we know, she and I are the only full-time couple both currently at Multnomah.

We’ve also found support with our local church family. Among our church leadership only one went to seminary (our senior pastor), yet there seems to be at least a curiosity and in many cases supportive attitude. Others in the congregation wonder why we could be in college with a child. We’re not exactly in ‘college,’ but we understand the puzzling look.

Certainly, going for years to get a Master’s degree that will end up decreasing your earning power seems a bit odd. There seems to be a general disconnect between seminary and the local church (one thing Kari and I hope to influence the opposite direction). Multnomah seeks to impact that trend with their internship program, melding the best of the academy with local churches who want to develop the next generation of equipped leaders. Our experience in my internship has been great. Instead of simply handing me a pile of tasks and things-to-do, the pastoral leadership has rallied around me as mentors ought to, allowing me to watch and learn and ask and attempt and fail and grow. It is not an all-or-nothing proposition, and while we hope for a pastoral position (a job) in the end, the process is worth it. We love the local church and that is a primary reason to be in seminary. We want to see the church become better, all she is meant to be.

One recent source of recent camaraderie has been the new site, Going to Seminary, started by ‘Just a Guy.’ He and his wife and two kids are venturing through seminary, having started this year. Over at that site there various posts related to relevant topics for seminarians, ranging from finances to relationships to spiritual life to advice on how to go about researching a seminary. The comments are helpful too, with a growing readership of current and past seminarians (and others, I’m sure), giving varying perspectives for a unique (niche) group in our Christian population.

It was Monday morning, February 24th, 2003 — five years ago today.

(I encourage all to read Kari’s rendition of it, as she’s a much better story teller than I am!)

Monday was our weekly day off, so the regular plan was to drive over to Kari’s apartment in the morning, picking her up at about 8 o’clock and then head to the gym to work out.

That morning when I picked her up she was uncharacteristically late and slow — she obviously had no idea of the imminent plans I had for us. I told her that some friends needed our help that morning, and since we were dressed in our grubby clothes that would be a good time to do some dirty work.

There was an old fraternity our ministry had begun to use, which was being renovated. Friends of ours, a married couple, lived there during the remodeling, and I told Kari that they needed our help.

The night before I had been so anxious I couldn’t sleep. Had even locked my keys in my car, and that morning my car ran out of gas on the way to pick Kari up. I ran to the gas station and then to the old fraternity to prepare a memorable scene. Lots of candles, an open Bible, some communion elements, a stereo playing some of our favorite songs, and a Lite-Brite. Yep, A Lite-Brite.

With the ring in pocket hidden in my pocket, we arrived at the old fraternity and walked downstairs. Kari was a little curious as to why music was playing in the basement, and then we walked around the corner. She was stunned. A plethora of candles (now she realized why I was in such a hurry earlier), our favorite songs, and the elements of communion. We walked over to the makeshift altar and then I diverted her attention, “What’s that over there?…” She looked over to the previously hidden corner and say the Lite-Brite emblazoned in the darkness, “WILL YOU MARRY ME?”

She turned around and I was on bended knee, ring in hand. She didn’t say a word, but then shrieked Yes! and we hugged (our first kiss would wait until our wedding day). It was a joyous time. We danced to the music, then I read some Scriptures to her about marriage and read the framed letter I had written:

My dearest Karina,
I love and adore you. God has sovereignly placed you in my life. May I ever live to serve you, love you, and put you before myself. You bring the sweetest of all joys into my life, and have caused my personal devotion to our Creator Jesus Christ to be multiplied. God’s amazing grace is so obviously upon you life — it’s contatgios and I desire to be a part of it. He shows me mercy, grace and abundant kindness in you; His favor is make obvious by your abiding presence in my life. May His Holy Spirit always lead us. I would be honored above all other honors to by your loving husband, your servant, and your constant companion. In sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for all times.
Will you marry me?

(That frame still sits in our bathroom as a reminder of the covenant of marriage and the enabling of God.)

And then the scened heated up. We sat there on the concrete floor leaning against the fireplace mantle, the candles behind us. We were bowed in prayer and then I stopped and yelled, “I’m on fire! I’m on fire!” Indeed I was. My long-sleeve shirt had caught fire from one of the candles and Kari was able to pat the flames out. A nice welt was on my shoulder blade and a 3-inch diameter hole in my shirt. I was on fire for my fiancee!

Why at 8:00am on a Monday morning?
Well, first of all Monday was our day off from college ministry, so I wanted as much time with her that day, especially with her ring on and rejoicing in one another and God’s goodness.

But the better reason is that I wanted Kari to know that I love the real her … no make-up, wearing grubby clothes, and purely herself. She is the one woman I desire and long to share the rest of my life with.

The last five years have been the best of my life!

—

On Thursday night I broke out the old Ms. Pac-Man game, and Kari gave it a spin, followed by all three of us watching Shrek the Third. Fun times.

—

On Friday we were able to show Dutch off to his uncle John, grandma (Nana, my mom), and great-grandma (Nan), while Jeff and John talked through the finer points of search engine optimization (he’s a dentist in Scottsdale – perhaps all four of my readers can help his page rank).

—

Saturday involved our friends Aaron & Candi finally arriving from their trek cross-country moving back from New England (we saw them tonight, it was awesome), and my looking at how much of our stuff we have stored in the shop here — throw it all out! And how wet its all getting this winter. Kari and I enjoyed the blue sky with a walk in the morning and run in the afternoon, while Dutch took his first journey walking outside.

This morning was my first time giving announcements at both services (normally the 2nd-service annc-giver) at Foothills Community Church. I love the people of our home church and the distinct value they contribute to the Molalla community.

What a growing little boy!

Ever feel so out of sorts that you’re not sure what you are experiencing is real or a dream?

Ever flown on a plane attempting with side-winds topping at nearly 100 mph?

The last couple of days have been (a) without my wallet, (b) at times been a bit surreal, and (c) had some pretty gnarly wind storms. It started early Thursday morning and ended last night, with lots of plane hopping to, in and from California. Sandwiched in the middle was a day packed with family memories and emotional outpouring. It was good, passing too quickly (time with family) and lasting too long (time on a plane) all at once.

Thursday morning at 2:45am I woke up, showered and headed out the door to PDX, catching a plane to Los Angeles for my step-grandmothers funeral. She died the morning of Dec. 26th at the age of 93. Dorothy lived a full life, and the last five years were especially. In fact, unbeknownst to us (and her), God was especially gracious in how she had so much time with family in the last two months. We spend the afternoon with her on the 23rd, and she enjoyed snuggling with Dutch, her only great-grandson, aka “the baby.” It was like a kiss goodbye.

My Mom and step-dad picked me up at LAX, with other family in two, and we headed to the memorial grounds. It was a great gathering of her one son (my step-dad) and his two grown kids, their daughters (my nieces), and other family and friends. Dorothy moved up to Oregon five years ago, so she had strong ties to SoCal, her home for almost six decades. At the funeral I was privileged to be able to speak about Dorothy for my parents and speak of the character of God, expressly from Psalm 23. I read the memories of my step-dad about his beloved mom and we all cried and laughed as I and others spoke. As we grieved and continue to miss her, I can sense God’s presence and abiding comfort mixing our sorrow with His joy. I resolve to learn better how to grieve well, to allow my soul to feel the full blessing of pouring my soul out to God and knowing His comfort as our Shepherd.

Then Thursday night we gathered as a family at my step-brother’s home to simply be together, eat dinner and reminisce about grandma and catch up on one another’s lives. It’s amazing the patience and contentedness evident in times like that. No agenda, no hurrying through the moment, but true authentic family time, brought on through a crisis. A sandwich that night was the first meal I had since Kari’s usually incredible cooking the night before. I even drank California water from the tap (!). The day had sort of been a blur, and that night was was almost too tired I could hardly sleep. That ever happen to you?

My flight Friday morning was to be Southwest 178 out of Burbank at 7am, stopping in Sacramento and then switching planes to get back to PDX at about 10:30am. So I hopped out of bed before five, and my step-brother gave me a ride to the little Burbank airport. My only water bottle was confiscated at the security checkpoint (doh!), but I didn’t care because in a few short hours I’d land back in Oregon and be able to drive home to Kari and Dutch. Our plane was delayed about 40 minutes, so making the connection in Sacto looked to be iffy at best. Then the torrential downfall hit northern and central California and our travel plans were diverted. (See the storm images below; click on any to enlarge.)

The plane attempted to land in Sacto, but was we were only a few hundred feet from touching down all of a sudden the runway moved out from under us. The side-winds were howling (reports reveal them to be record winds been between 40-80 mph inland, topping the century mark at the coast; see images above, click to enlarge). They were pushing our little plane at will. At the last minute our pilot pulled up and we ascended back to 10,000 feet. Scott the pilot finally hopped on the horn and gave us the scoop. He did the right thing, and I don’t blame him for not wanting to attempt to land a second time in Sacto. For the next few hours truly, our pilots and three attendants were extraordinary. Could have brought some more peanuts and pretzels, but they did all they could with limited resources.

It was obvious (by the ridiculousness of the whole situation and decision-making) that the higher-ups for Southwest sitting in some skyscraper in Dallas were rolling dice as to our next plans. They obviously really wanted the plane to get to Sacto, but that was a silly proposition by almost all accounts at this point (the airport there was closed). Why didn’t we simply go back to Burbank after we refueled in Fresno? I don’t know, but the flight crew knew only slightly more than we did in the cabin. They handled it well and remained positive. Our captain spend most of his time in the back talking with all of us, answering questions, and answering his cell phone, the only method of communication with the higher-ups (see pic above right). Thus our plans changed about every hour, and the “options” were slim to none. Okay, none. Southwest could not be to blame for the weather, and certainly they got me home. I may write a letter commending the captain and his crew, while noting some less than exemplary customer service at the counters inside the airports (can I get a meal voucher?), and ask for a little help for those who endured their indecision (I might not write the critical remarks, see the next paragraph…). We ended going with Option C (or was it Z?), landing in San Jose, with plenty of wind resistance. A bunch of us where headed north to Portland and Seattle and this option actually made our final leg more readily possible, although landing in the Bay Area in the midst of a storm was a bit wearisome. I hope the bus that took those seeking Sacramento as a final destination came together, and those who simply wanted to get back to Burbank thanked God for His goodness nonetheless (nothing like a 12-hour Burbank-Burbank round-trip without meals and not really going anywhere!).

One ironic twist is that while I was on the (first) plane yesterday I was reading a book entitled Humility: True Greatness. Thank God for His perspective, because without a submissive attitude I likely would have sat their complaining and muttering under my breath about the delays. It was like a living parable on the practical level of the content I was engaging with my mind theoretically. In reality the whole experience was not all that bad. Sure we sat there in Fresno for over four hours (unable to get off the plane), the announced plans changed at least once every hour, my cell phone died, the battery on my laptop drained to zero, we ate and drank everything on the plane, and the bathroom was a bit overwhelmed. But, I am thankful for the maturity and humorous outlook of my fellow travelers on flight 178 and the use of my next-seat neighbor Steve’s cell phone.

I conclude that people who travel Southwest have in general a different outlook on travel obstacles than those who tend to fly first-class. For example, in talking with Steve, he noted that his wife had a layover at the moment in Hawaii, as a flight attendant with Delta. I candidly asked him what he thought would happen if one of her Delta planes had the same things happen. He shook his head and laughed, noting it would be a scary sight, lots of tension amongst the passengers, and he didn’t think the people would stay very contented for too long just sitting there with no news, plans and little food. The flight crew would have some complaining people on their hands. Could I perhaps say there may be a difference in expectations between a person who paid $77 for a one-way ticket on coach-class Southwest and the one who paid $500 or more for a first-class Delta fare? Pardon my over-generalization, but I think it fits.

Funny thing happened about an hour later: a Delta plane landed next to us and parked out in the middle of nowhere right next to us. Our pilot even made a pretty comical joke about the competition, all in good taste, after we had been there at least four hours and they had waited an hour.

Did I mention I forgot my wallet in my car back in Portland? All I had was my ID and some cash loaned by my parents for the trip back north just in case I needed it. Certainly needed it for my first “meal” of the day at about 4pm: a bagel and cream cheese for five bucks.

When I landed back at PDX we all applauded, and then I walked through the concourse with my laptop open and emailed Kari to tell her I’d landed (remember, dead mobile phone). I caught the bus to economy parking, hoping my wallet was still in my car. It was, wedged between the driver’s seat and the console. Thank You, Jesus.

Since one of the themes from grandma Dorothy’s funeral was on the importance of little silly events in marking our memories as they shape our lives, the rest of my travels seemed appropriate. I’ll never forget the 13+ hour flight from Burbank to Portland.

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